IM TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT!

“I’m too old for this shit!” I cried out in my head.

This is something I’ll forever be too chicken livered to talk about with anyone, but I guess no one knows who I am and this is the perfect opportunity to let out all I've bottled up inside me, i hope it feels as good to let the cat out the bag as I anticipate.
I am 29, male and sick.

Two years ago I would boldly said I've been infected by the sweetest disease to ever hit mankind, but right this moment I’m not so sure. Yeah!  I know having to come whenever I want is a good feeling and getting to lay every “chick” I wanted to, helped feed my macho-ness but Damn! Like I said I’m too old for this shit! It’s like a disease and now I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of turning my head whenever a lady passes even in public places. I’m sick of chasing and whining and pretending and lying and conniving just to lay my desired “Chick”. I’m sick of going to bed at night without been able to call a special someone who my heart skips for and get a sweet word before hitting the pillows. I’m too old to not know which woman is good for more for reasons other than things that occur in the bedroom.  I have had it all; tall, short, slim, fat, fair, dark, smart, dull, ambitious, lazy, godly and possessed by the devil like the chick of yesterday.
I have seen each turn of the kaleidoscope, and with the uniqueness each turn brings, I've still remained unchanging.

I wish I could find satisfaction, I wish I could find a lady who would give me penance for all the injustice I have done her woman gender and then hug me tight and tell me how much she loves (like Eminem) , that woman that will change my thinking, make me want just her and watch me change into a new kind of man.

I woke up last Sunday and walked into a church, maybe God can help me, they say he can do all things and knows all things, then he should know I’m really desperate for a change in my life and hopefully he lightens up my welcome pack with this woman I so much desire.  I sat at a corner in church afraid to contaminate the congregation, but like God needed to refresh my memory he asked the Man of God to tell the church about my life, I sat melting in my seat, looking all around me, this was beyond reasonable doubt that the Man of God knew I was coming, it had to be God himself sending me a message, God the Almighty had to be in the mood for some entertainment because he watched me bit my lower lips till it hit home that i was going to be as lipless as i desired to be sinless.  I want this change now more than ever. I want to be free of this disease that has overtaken my entire existence. I want more and I hope God will be in the mood other than for entertainment to help me.